so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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