life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
