yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I AM VODKA MAN
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
