He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
