I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize