its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
