he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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