btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
