winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
