somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
