one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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