He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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