do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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