I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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