I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
