Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
