Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
