i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
