What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
