so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Randomize
