did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
