you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
