literally had 100 drinks last night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
