It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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