Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
