If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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