My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
