I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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