3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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