i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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