Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
