It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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