I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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