Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
