dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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