I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
