So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
