Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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