whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
