Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
