Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
