I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm passing your future prison.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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