We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
