I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Farmville is her only friend.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
