I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The power of my boobs compel you
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