I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
