I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
