i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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