i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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