So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Jerry, you need to find god
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
