Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
