i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
