Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
