I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize