You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was like eating out sand paper
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hippo gnu deer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize