I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
