my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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