It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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