Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize