Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need water and some morals
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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