it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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