Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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