Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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