im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
