genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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