OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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