just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
