Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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