3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
