alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize