Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
