He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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