The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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