There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
