Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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