I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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