I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
