My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
