Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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