i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize