I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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