What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
