he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
