Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
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