So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
