I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
