i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
