So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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