I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
