is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
