Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
