how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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