if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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