Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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