So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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