im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
