She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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