This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
