Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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