I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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