Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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