how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
