I am in a vortex of obligation.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize