oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need moral support for this bender
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
